Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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