Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
