just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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