I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
