You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
