I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
