Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
