why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
don't judge my taste in strippers
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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