I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm drive I can fine osifer
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
