32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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