haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
