I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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