as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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