I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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