she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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