R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
