Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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