and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
