I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you didnt know i had herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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