I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
