the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
