you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
