Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
