you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
