Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
