True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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