it was like eating out sand paper
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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