i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
