If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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