no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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