A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
