someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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