he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
