i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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