So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i've created a new STD.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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