What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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