There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
