My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
