ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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