i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
