You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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