Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
