I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
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Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
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Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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