guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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