A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
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It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
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My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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