Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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