Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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