I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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