Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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