That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
