I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
