And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Randomize