Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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