is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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