not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i think we sleep fucked last night...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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