Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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