I cannot find my penis.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize