this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
