Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize