at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
