new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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