I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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