Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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